Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer
to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in
£20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick
cats.
7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears
and hopes
and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing.
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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Spence
Member
Registered: 13th Jan 03
Location: Bristol UK
User status: Offline
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sxibeast
Member
Registered: 6th Aug 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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quality! 
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elfunkyo
Member
Registered: 25th Mar 02
Location: Mighty Geordie Country
User status: Offline
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fucking quality
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Sam
Moderator
Premium Member
Registered: 24th Dec 99
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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Steve
Premium Member
Registered: 30th Mar 02
Location: Worcestershire Drives: Defender
User status: Offline
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6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick
cats.
this was amusing
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Nismo
Member
Registered: 12th Sep 02
User status: Offline
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SteveW
Member
Registered: 15th Jul 02
Location: Up in the clouds
User status: Offline
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Classic
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
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corb
Member
Registered: 24th Apr 02
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
User status: Offline
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thats funny, i'm leaving u alone now, ur safe!
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SteveW
Member
Registered: 15th Jul 02
Location: Up in the clouds
User status: Offline
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Thanx
laters maters
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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