Romford Astra
Member
Registered: 13th Aug 01
Location: Romford, Essex Drives:Honda S2000
User status: Offline
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I read the other day about the after-race drunken antics of Ralf and
Michael Schumacher following the Japanese Grand Prix. Apparently Ralf
threw a TV out of a window, which got me thinking...
Ralf Schumacher throw a TV out of a window? Usually he'd pick the telly
up, wobble it about it a bit before deciding it would be far too
dangerous, sitting down and having a nice cup of tea instead.
Of course Michael Schumacher would have the minerals to throw the TV
out of the window. He would throw it the furthest and make it land the
right way up whilst showing ITV highlights of him winning, earlier.
Jacques Villenueve would tell everybody he could throw it the furthest,
but when he tried he'd drop it on his foot and tell everybody that the
telly wasn't quite as chuckable as it should be 'at this time of the
season'.
David Coulthard would claim that he could throw it out one day, but doing
it this year was 'a bit optimistic' and there was plenty of time in the
future, before scurrying back to Ron's house to do the ironing.
Barrichello would of course let Schumacher throw the TV the furthest
so as not to cause embarrasment, before telling onlookers that he
didn't mind at all and then privately throwing his own TV futher than
anybody else. He'd then be seen in Sao Paulo smiling violently.
Kimi Raikonnen would shrug, say something uninteresting, then return to
his motorhome to play chess with himself and a blow-up Mika Hakkinnen.
Trulli would do the quickest run-up, but when it came to actually
throwing the TV would only manage to get it onto the window ledge
before getting bored and going home to do his hair.
Fisichella would get very excited and talk at great lenght to
journalists about the beauty of throwing TVs, but it would blow up in
his hands before he got chance to chuck it.
Montoya would pick the TV up intending to throw it out of the window,
but would get mad because people kept talking about him and would
throw it at Schumachers head instead causing him to go back to 'Uncle
Franks' for a biscuit and a payrise.
Adrain Newey wouldn't pick the TV up himself. Instead he'd build a
special TV launching system made from titanium and shiney stuff that
looked really good, cost $12m dollars but ultimately couldn't launch
the TV as far as Michael Schumacher could.
Jean Todt would go to pick up the TV, but would break down in tears
and congratulate Michael on such a good TV throwing instead.
James Allen would shout wildly about the 'manly spectacle of artful
gentlemen arcing cutting edge technology through the air' before being
t.watted on the head by a flying TV.
Bernie Ecclestone would demand that the TV was his and that all those
wanting to throw it should pay royalties. He of course would throw it
but his wig wouldn't withstand the excitment. And He's a feeble 70 old
miser that throws like a girl.
Murray Walker would intend to pick the TV and throw it out of the window
but instead would grab a bedside lamp and smash it against a wall whilst
shouting 'GO GO GO'
Willi Weber would make an agreement with Dixons and the hotel whereby
he supplied new TVs and took 20% of the profit.
Max Mosely would insist that all TVs must have uniform button
arrangements and special 'schumacher hand sized' throwing handles. All
'in the interests of the sport' of course.
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