Skinner
Member
Registered: 14th Jul 03
Location: aberdeen drives:mk4 irmscher astra on 18's
User status: Offline
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no offence 2 women just a bit of a fun 4 the guys
Q. Why did God give men penises ?
A. So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
Q. What's the difference between a pay cheque and your dick ?
A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your pay cheque.
Q. How is a woman like a laxative ?
A. They both irritate the shit out of you.
Q. What's worse than a male chauvinist pig ?
A. A woman that won't do what she's told.
Q. What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down ?
A. Marriage.
Q. Why are hangovers better than women ?
A. Hangovers will go away.
Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for ?
A. It's Braille for "suck here".
Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds ?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
Q. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't ?
A. Her navel.
Q. Why do men die before their wives ?
A. They want to.
Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women ?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q. What's the difference between a woman with pms and a pit bull ?
A. Lipstick.
Q. Why is a woman like a dog turd ?
A. The older it is, the easier it is to pick up.
Q. Why are women like screen doors ?
A. Once they get banged a few times they loosen up.
Q. What's a wife ?
A. An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
Q. How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex ?
A. Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q. What's the most active muscle in a woman ?
A. The penis.
Q. Why do women have tits ?
A. So men will talk to them.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin ?
A. You come in one and go in the other.
Q. How do you make love to a fat chick ?
A. Have a wank in your hand then throw it at her.
Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex ?
A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
Q. What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild ?
A. Money.
Q. What do you call a Playboy center-fold who's a lesbian ?
A. Bitch.
Q. How can a woman tell she's flat chested ?
A. She looks down her dress and the two bumps she sees are her knees
Q. What are the three reasons why anal sex is better the vaginal sex ?
A. It's warmer, it's tighter and it's more degrading to women.
Q. Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat ?
A. They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.
Q. What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb ?
A. You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q. Why do women have periods ?
A. They deserve them.
Q. Why did God make man first ?
A. He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.
Q. What do Kermit the frog and Roseanne Barrs' husband have in common ?
A. They both enjoy fucking pigs.
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin around a pussy ?
A. A woman.
Q. What's the definition of a male chauvinistic pig ?
A. A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.
Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong ?
A. Made her chain too long.
Q. Why was the woman crossing the road ?
A. Who cares! What's she doing out of the kitchen?
Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb ?
A. None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
Q. What do you call a 300 pound woman ?
A. Fat.
Q. Why are hurricanes normally named after women ?
A. When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job ?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.
Q. Why did God create lesbians ?
A. So feminists couldn't breed.
Q. Why did the army send so many women with pms to the Persian Gulf ?
A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
Q. Why is a fat woman like a moped ?
A. They're both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your friends to see you on either.
Q. Why can't you trust woman ?
A. How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
Q. What's the best thing about a blow job ?
A. Ten minutes silence.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning ?
A. They don't have balls to scratch.
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